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Chapter 9 - The Other Letter

Brody looked at the envelope in my hand.

Then he lowered his eyes.

"Both."

I had expected another excuse.

Another explanation about how difficult things had been.

Another carefully arranged sentence that would make his cowardice sound like circumstances beyond his control.

Instead, he said one word.

Both.

Somehow that made me angrier.

I stepped closer.

"You watched me stand on that stage."

"I know."

"You watched your mother accuse me of stealing your honor."

"I know."

"And you sat there."

His jaw tightened.

"I froze."

"That seems to happen whenever telling the truth costs you something."

He flinched.

Good.

I wanted him to feel at least a fraction of what I had felt.

Dwayne remained several steps behind me.

He didn't interfere.

Brody rubbed his hands together.

"I wasn't going to let her do that."

"But you did."

"Yes."

I stared at him.

The boy I remembered had been eleven when our parents married.

He'd been thin and awkward, with glasses that kept sliding down his nose.

He liked model airplanes.

He was terrified of the basement after dark.

When our parents went out, he used to sit outside my bedroom and ask whether I was still awake.

I had taught him to drive in an empty shopping center parking lot.

Helped him study for algebra.

Bought him his first good pair of running shoes.

And somewhere along the way, the little boy who used to follow me around the house had become a man who could watch me be publicly humiliated without opening his mouth.

"Why?" I asked.

He looked confused.

"Why what?"

"Why did you let her believe you saved those men?"

He sat back down.

For a moment, I thought he wasn't going to answer.

Then he said, "Because for the first time in my life, she looked at me the way she looked at you."

I frowned.

"At me?"

He nodded.

"She hated that you were good at everything."

A bitter laugh escaped me.

"She had a strange way of showing it."

"You don't understand."

"Then explain."

He looked toward the empty hallway.

"When I was a kid, she compared me to you constantly. Your grades. Your scholarships. Your discipline. Your Army career. She said I should learn from you."

I stared at him.

"Brody, she told everybody I was running away when I enlisted."

"Not when you weren't there."

The words hit me.

He continued.

"At home, she complained about how independent you were. How Dad talked about you. How you never needed anybody's permission. She said I needed to be more like you."

I shook my head.

"That doesn't sound like Charlene."

"It was Charlene when she was disappointed in me."

He gave a humorless laugh.

"When I commissioned, she finally had something she could show off. Her son was an officer too. Her son was going to be important."

He stared at his hands.

"Then the accident happened. I thought she was going to hate me."

I remembered the hospital.

Brody lying beneath a gray blanket.

His head bandaged.

His hand wrapped around my wrist.

Don't tell Dad.

At the time, I thought he'd been afraid of our father's disappointment.

Now I understood there had been another fear underneath it.

"And when you told her I sent you down that road?"

He nodded slowly.

"She believed me."

"Of course she did."

"She told Dad. Then she told our pastor. Then she told people at church."

He swallowed.

"And when the newspaper called, she gave them the story."

I folded my arms.

"Why didn't you stop her?"

"Because I was relieved."

His voice broke.

"I was relieved she wasn't ashamed of me."

I looked away.

There was a time when that confession might have softened me.

It didn't.

Not yet.

"Your relief cost me six years, Brody."

"I know."

"It cost Daniel's family something too."

His eyes filled.

"I know."

"You keep saying that."

"Because I don't have anything else."

I looked at him for a long moment.

Then asked, "Where's your letter?"

Brody reached into his jacket.

He pulled out a folded sheet of paper.

It was worn along the creases.

He handed it to me.

The letter was shorter than mine.

Dad had written it the same day.

Son,

\*I know you are afraid of disappointing your mother. But every year you let this lie continue, you are teaching yourself that the truth is something to fear.\*

\*I cannot give you your career back. I cannot undo the river. I cannot bring Daniel Price home.\*

But you can still become an honest man.

\*Tell your mother. Apologize to Erin. And stop accepting praise for something your sister did.\*

Whatever happens afterward, I will love you.

Dad.

I read the last sentence twice.

Whatever happens afterward, I will love you.

Dad had given Brody the one thing he'd been so desperate to protect.

Unconditional love.

And Brody had still waited three years.

I handed the letter back.

"Why now?"

Brody looked toward the gym doors.

"Because I saw the announcement."

I waited.

"I didn't know you were getting the medal. Mom found the post and got angry. She said you were trying to embarrass me."

"Of course."

"She wanted to come here and confront you."

"So you came to watch?"

"No. I came because I thought I could stop her before she did something terrible."

I raised my eyebrows.

"How'd that work out?"

He lowered his head.

"Not very well."

Despite myself, I almost laughed.

Not because anything was funny.

Because the answer was so painfully obvious.

Brody looked up.

"Erin, Dad gave me your letter because he knew I needed to see what he'd written. He asked me to deliver it. I kept it because every time I thought about giving it to you, I knew you'd ask whether I'd told Mom."

"And you hadn't."

"No."

He took a breath.

"Last week, I took both letters out. I sat at my kitchen table until three in the morning. I finally called Dwayne."

I looked sharply at him.

"What?"

Dwayne stepped forward.

Brody continued.

"I told him I wanted to make a statement. A public one. I asked if he could help me contact the right people."

My eyes moved to Dwayne.

He looked uncomfortable.

"That's true."

"You knew?"

"He called me six days ago."

I stared at him.

"And you didn't tell me?"

Dwayne shook his head.

"It wasn't my information to give. And I didn't know whether he'd follow through."

I looked back at Brody.

"Did you?"

Brody's face crumpled.

"I don't know."

He wiped his eyes.

"I wanted to. Then Mom stood up and started shouting, and I was eleven years old again. Just sitting there trying not to make her angry."

I understood that feeling more than I wanted to.

But understanding wasn't forgiveness.

Not even close.

A door opened at the far end of the hallway.

General Haskett appeared.

He stopped when he saw us.

"Major Lennox."

I straightened.

"Sir."

"The ceremony will resume in ten minutes."

"Yes, sir."

He looked toward Brody.

"Mr. Ruddock, before you return, there's something I need to make clear."

Brody stood.

"Yes, General."

"Your statements today do not erase the findings already recorded six years ago. Nor does public remorse settle every consequence of your actions. What you choose to do next matters."

Brody nodded.

"I understand."

The general studied him.

"Then I suggest you make sure the next statement you give is one you can live with."

He returned to the gym.

I watched the door close.

Then I looked at my brother.

For the first time, I wasn't interested in whether he wanted me to forgive him.

I wanted to know whether he was finally prepared to tell the truth without asking me to make it easier.

"Brody," I said, "if you're going back into that room, don't do it for Dad."

He looked at me.

"Don't do it for the general. Don't do it because you're afraid of what people will think."

I stepped closer.

"Do it because Daniel Price's daughter is going to grow up asking what happened to her father. And she deserves to hear the truth from the people who were there."

Brody's face crumpled.

Then he nodded.

"I will."

I turned toward the gym.

And behind us, a familiar voice spoke from the hallway.

"No, you won't."

Charlene stood near the exit.

May you like

She was holding her phone.

And the look on her face told me that she had heard far more than we realized.

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